An open letter to myself

Subject: Hey me, check this out!

Dear me,
You suck.
Your voice pierces like the stab from a thousand rapiers plummeting into my ear canals whenever you decide to open you ugly, stupid, venomous mouth. To reiterate……die.
Shut up and flip burgers.
"Love"
You.

Subject: Re: Hey me, check this out!
Hey me (you)
Nice to see I’m (yourself) still the angry, bitter, JEALOUS person I (me) abandoned all those years ago. Once we (we) had something, I (you) was at one time as much a part of Me (me) as I (me) was a part of me (you). What I’m (us) trying to say is it’s over between us(me), I (we) want no further contact with you (me) and wish to be left alone. Sorry that my style of speak is unpleasing to the ears of my own (you) but I (you) realize what this is really all about. Your (I’m) upset that, like salted butter in the afternoon sun my (your) (our) anger, malevolence and overall bitchery has hereby melted away, leaving the salty sweet puddle of love that has now become my psyche. In short….Shut your (my) noise hole.
Never want to see us again,
Me.

Subject: Re: Re: Hey me, check this out!
Dear Monster of the Metaphor,
The only thing leaving a salty sweet puddle is my shlong in my mouth!

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hey me, check this out!
I’m gross.